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#acceptance

Ever since coming out at 17 as ‘gay’ – and even then, I didn’t exactly get to ‘come out’ myself.. I was ousted by a ‘friend’ who told a mutual friend of my brothers, who of course, had huge fucking issues with anyone who was different from the societal ‘norm’. Shit, my one was straight up racist, a neo-nazi wannabe, because that’s fucking cool… Not. I mean.. if you’re gonna have a fucking issue with anyone who isn’t the ‘typical norm’, I’d like to think that not nearly anybody is a fucking ‘neo-nazi’ in todays world. Because that behavior and way of thinking is straight up disgusting, and most people DO realize this, so what the fuck is “normal” about that?

Anyhow, yeah, needless to say, as soon as my ‘friend’ told her friend – her friend told my brothers (but can we please talk about the big ‘gay agenda’ and how it fucks with everyone else’s life some more?)

And oooh, was it ever FUN from there..

Not really.. the shit got so bad at home, I had to leave at 17 years old. I had to leave the very place that I was supposed to feel the most comfortable and safe at – my childhood home. As soon as they found out, the bullying – in both physical and verbal forms ensued, and it got intolerable. My belongings were destroyed while I was at work. If a friend came over? Ha, forget that shit! The neo-nazi terrorized us, and even vandalized our home, taking our home phone and literally putting it through the wall. Imagine seeing one of those cordless phones from the 90’s, coming out of your drywall halfway. They’d even throw eggs and other shit at my friends cars – literally, anything went, and no low was ever too low.

I suddenly didn’t even ‘have the right’ to enter or exit my home through the front door, according to the neo-nazi. I wasn’t ‘worthy’ of that type of respect and privilege.

But where were the parents at..?

My Mom had passed in 1998. When all of this was taking place, we were in year 2001, newly. I had just metmy first girlfriend – again, I was 17 years old. You know, her Mom could tell I was a good person, and her mom actually went to High School with my ‘Dad’ – and because her own daughter (my then girlfriend) would tell her about the kinds of horrifying things that happened at home, her mom offered me to stay there. Me and my first girlfriend had only been dating for all of 2 months at this point, and that’s how bad, and how quickly the shit at home turned.

For me to agree to leave my “safety net”, or where I feel comfortable, and to be put in a position where I’m somewhere unfamiliar, among people who I don’t know that well – that means the shit got fucking bad.

I gotta go..

And I did. I had to. There literally wasn’t any way I could have stayed there, dealing with that kind of treatment. No fucking way. And it’s not surprising, me and my “brothers” haven’t had any kind of ‘relationship’ since – I don’t even want one with either of them. That entire feeling of being ‘alone’ as in not having a family? That only exists, and I only feel that way when it comes to my mom. I don’t care about them..

The hateful, malicious shit they’ve done, has been going on since before I was ever a legal adult. And it turns out the bullying has been following me – just behind my back instead of being hit with it physically ever since I left that horrible shit.. I just didn’t know, and didn’t figure it all out until recently this past year.

There’s more to this story.. So much more.. and I’ll finish it up shortly.. But this does need to be put out there. I need to have this here. For myself, for anyone who needs to relate, you’re not alone.. I’ve lived through some horrible fucking shit.. And I’m with you, be it we’re around eachother or not – and obviously we aren’t.. Just know.. please know.. It gets better.


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Facebook & #thots

Ahhh, I had some really proud moments on the Facebook.. And for your pleasure, I’d like to share some of my absolute #proudest umm… Revelations? I guess.. Like this time, where someone told me women prefer to be called “thots”, rather than “females”.. and I took it super seriously, of course!

#deleted

If any of you knew I had a YouTube channel… well, its gone now.. I’ve deleted it, along with all those hundreds of thousands of likes, comments, messages, and whatever else. It’s almost nearly as if I never existed online. And whether that’s a good or bad thing, I’ll likely not know until it’s already too late. So, hooray! But yeah.. “Mr. Mak, the Transgender T-Man” no longer exists.. I think he died in a fire.. or had a bridge collapse on him.. or something equally tragic.

I’m allowed to say these things… it’s about myself, afterall.. shit.

#crazy

And it’s like, you get to this place.. where you ‘snap’ and have all these sudden realizations, and somehow everything changes. Sometimes it’s for the better, sometimes it’s not.. There is no ‘rule book’ or ‘for certain’ anything. None of us are guaranteed anything in this madness..

However, I think I’ve experienced just about any and every kind of emotion one could experience.. and I’m about tapped. All I know is I want to be happy.. But ‘wanting’ doesn’t guarantee you ‘getting’. Life has been far too crazy, but not nearly enough at the same time.. does that make sense?

The Wizard of Oz & Pink Floyd

it’s not a “stoner” thing..

Seriously.. I want someone to watch The Wizard of Oz with me (and appreciate its awesomeness), while Pink Floyds Dark Side of the Moon plays (movie sound volume off). It is way too closely matched – everything that happens, the scenery changes and song changes at the exact same time.. Even down to the names of the songs.. i.e. When Dorothy is in a “dream” and knocked uncouncious in her Grandma and Grandpa’s home durring the hurricane, and “The Great Gig in the Sky” commences..

Or as soon as the house lands in Oz, and the movie, up until that point is all black & white.. but as she opens her door, learning she’s now in Oz, everything is in color, and the song “Money” comes on immediately – right as the steps outside, seeing everything in color for the first time. 

interesting read below:

The Dark Side of the Rainbow